Like generations of Crabs before me, I love to complain.  If I am not complaining about something, things are too right in the world.  My grandfather, Sol Jacobs was a perfect example.  WWII veteran (who never saw combat), screen repair-man, complainer.  Complained until the day he died, G-d rest his soul.  My dad, Les – another good complainer.

I’m not one of those weenies who sticks my fingers in my ears when the subway comes screeching into the station.  My grievance is more internal.  There’s more than one; seven, in fact.  Enjoy…

1) Gum Snapping
gum-snapping
You know who these bitches are.  They chew the gum with their mouths slightly open, and almost smiling.  They hold the sticky mess towards the back by their molars.  I don’t know how they do it, but every third chew you just hear “SNAP!”  Blowing bubbles (especially if you’re Elisha Cuthbert) is fine. 

2) Snot Snorting
snot-snorting
You know this sound.  The guy next to you has a bit of post nasal drip.  You’re happily reading the latest issue of US Weekly, and suddenly you hear something resembling a jack hammer and realize it just resonated from the head of that guy.  Maybe he’ll even make himself cough nearly to vomit in the process.  Makes my stomach flip.

3) The Laugh of a Hipster
hipster-laugh
Hipsters are just ugly nerds.  In high school this guy would have his books knocked out of his hands, his tighty whities pulled up over his head, and probably much worse by everybody, including teachers daily.  Somewhere along the line these people discovered beer (just like the rest of us), and formed a little movement that includes depressing music, stupid hairstyles, short bus clothing, and lots of irony.  And to hear one laugh – femme, yet arrogant makes me want to punch a nun.

4) Nail Clipping
nail-clipping
When did this become ok to do in public?  You can’t always see it, but you know you hear it.  It’s a subtle little snap, but you know what it is.  You rarely catch the clipper, but you’ll usually see the remnants later.

5) YOUR Music
your-music
Most days I shove those little buds into my ears and crank hard core shit like Ben Folds or Procol Harum, but once in a while, after a full day of listening to music at my desk I need a break.  And it’s always on these days that the person sitting next to/across from/down at the other end of the car from me is blasting Latin Soul or Hip Hop or the other day I heard something that sounded like children’s music.  Whatever it is, chances are I have no interest in listening to it.  My only consolation is the confidence in knowing that the perp will one day be deaf.

6) Whistling
axl1
Unless it’s the first few measures of GNR’s Patience, whistling sounds awful.  Nine times out of ten the whistler is off key, and the other one time it’s not even a song.  Makes me want to crank the tunes on my ear buds to the point of busting an eardrum.

7) Basically
Basically, this is the last one I can think of.  Basically, you all know I hate this word.  Basically, I don’t really hear it uttered much on the subway, but basically another company basically moved into our space.  Remember the guy I basically said says basically all the time?  Basically, he’s met his match.  Basically, one of the people from the new company basically blows his use of basically basically out of the water. 

Basically, that’s it for now.  Yeah, I know I said I’d post the Oneonta re-cap.  It’s been a busy week, and I haven’t had time to fuck around with Flickr.  I won’t promise tomorrow…basically, I’ll do it over the weekend.

~Sam

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