My buddy Dan who writes Big Dan’s Ramblings wrote a piece about what his perfect man day – a day with the guys doing man stuff would be.  He gave two versions – summer and winter.  And reading through his great sounding days I realized that he probably wasn’t including me in his group – not because we’re not good friends, but because I don’t surf, kite board, or snow board.  I have a legitimate excuse for not snow boarding, but the other two – whatever.  Then I got to thinking, there isn’t much I do at all.  I almost feel confined to NYC, a city where weekend activity mostly revolves around brunches, gallery openings, drinking, eating, maybe watching sporting events…

Don’t get me wrong – I love my wife and my friends, and the time we all spend together, but Dan’s list made me realize there’s so much more I could be doing EVEN while still living in the city.  With that I created my own Summer/Fall (because I hate spring & winter) list of my perfect man days.  enjoy…

My Perfect Summer Man Day   

7:30        Wake up in Newport, RI on a boat.

7:45        Take a monster shit.

8:00        Get on the scale to find that I dropped 5 pounds after that shit.

8:30        I make breakfast consisting of eggs, bacon, toast, coffee, pancakes, juice, Bloody Mary, sausage, and Waffle House style hash browns.  Weight doesn’t return.

9:00        Take a dip in the ocean.

9:30        Read on the deck of the boat.

12:30     Reel in the crab traps and steam them up for lunch.  Eat with drawn butter, corn, and ice cold Modelo Especial canned beer – I like what I like!

1:30        Nap.

2:00        Write next chapter in masterpiece novel – still on the boat.

5:00        Head to my house (in Newport), say hi to my wife, shower, and dress for dinner.

8:30        Steaks, baked potatoes, and cold beers eaten around the fire while I re-hash the stellar day.

9:00        Drink till I pass out on the beach where I sleep until the next morning when I start it all over again.

My Perfect early Fall Man Day   

7:30        Wake up in a cabin in Andes, NY.

7:45        Take a monster shit.

8:00        Get on the scale to find that I dropped 5 pounds after that shit.

8:30        I make breakfast consisting of eggs, bacon, toast, coffee, pancakes, juice, Bloody Mary, sausage, and Waffle House style hash browns.  Weight doesn’t return.

9:00        Go for a quick hike.

10:00     Head down to the city (2 hour drive), bypass, and head to Queens

1:00        Catch the Mets post season game, field level with my boys (finally inviting some other people.)  Eat tacos, fried bologna sandwiches, and hot dogs, plus lots of Miller Lite…still no weight gain.

4:00        Head into Manhattan after big Win, shower, and change clothes.

6:00        Happy hour at Plug’s with the fellas.

8:00        Steak dinner at Robert’s in the Penthouse Club including a good red, and 18 year old scotch.

11:00     Get kicked out for harrassing Elisha Cuthbert who was there eating dinner with friends (true story)

11:30     Pass out in the cab and wake up two hours later being carried back into my cabin…by Elisha.

Not as realistic as Dan’s day, perhaps…and perhaps there was some comedy and sarcasm in there.  Regardless, the point is I need to get out more…and I need to start writing fiction again…and I need to update Crabapple more….just sayin.

~Sam

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